Just Say No: An Alternative to Jeans
Everybody may wear them but it doesn’t mean to say they’re right
I am going to start this column with a confession. I own no jeans. Sure, as revelations go it’s not going to be as famous as George Washington’s “I cannot tell a lie”. But, in a world where denim is worn with religious-like devotion, it is a far braver admission than little George’s. Before I get lynched by the “oh, but why? It’s both stylish, and comfortable” mob, let me explain my reason. I am in my mid-thirties, and no one over the age of 30 looks good in denim.
To begin, I will write a couple of words that will have you nodding in agreement. Mitt Romney. There you go, point proved. This feature should end now, as I feel as though I have made my case, but for your sake, I will continue. Thankfully, Mitt wasn’t able to follow in the footsteps of George Washington – become president of the USA, not confess to cutting down a cherry tree – and we should all be grateful for those who voted against him. It had nothing to do with his policies; it was all about his trouser choice. If you haven’t seen the photos, type ‘Mitt Romney wearing jeans’ into your search engine now. What. A. Site.
I know, I know, Mitt Romney isn’t in his thirties, he is in his sixties, but the point remains the same. Jeans are a young mans game. The day you turn 30 should be the day you take those faded, distressed, ugly shade of blue, boot cut monstrosities to your local charity shop. The game is up. Let it go.
There is nothing wrong with being a slave to trouser fashion in your teens and twenties; I have gone through that stage myself. Wearing baggy flared jeans when the whole Madchester scene was happening. Check. Buying (yes, buying) jeans with stains already on them. Check. Wearing black jeans as an alternative to black trousers at weddings, christenings, funerals etc. as I didn’t want to look too ‘square’. Check.
So, “what is the alternative”, I hear you ask? Well, the alternatives are many you will be pleased to know. There are chinos, cords, smart cotton trousers (my legwear of choice) and tweed. Do not, and I will repeat this, do not wear jeggngs. They are not a compromise, they are two fashion disasters combined. Combat trousers? Get out of here, GI Joe. I will credit you with some common sense and presume that you aren’t wearing jogging bottoms unless you are actually jogging. No, you can’t wear them when lazing on the sofa. Smarten yourself up.
If you are still not convinced by my anti-denim manifesto, then try an example closer to home and input ‘Jeremy Clarkson wearing jeans’ into your search engine. You will now recognise that he wears the same trousers as you. And they may be comfortable, but he proves that they are certainly not stylish.